Pokemon Slightly Maroon Version
by QuestionMe
Summary: Red chooses his Pokemon and goes on a journey to become champion, also some other stuff happens. Warning: if you are a child of Arceus, DO NOT read past the first chapter. Trust me.
1. The First Chapter

**Chapter 1 - No**

Red was choosing a Pokeyman because the old Oak guy told him to. He decided to choose Charmander because he's a fricking idiot and left the building.

"Are you ready to go on a journey?" Oak asked.

"Wait, wat." Red replied.

"You're going on a journey to become the very best like no one ever was!" Oak said.

"This wasn't in the contract." Red said.

"Actually, it was, right here." He said pulling a contract out of...somewhere and pointing to the bottom paragraph.

"Ok I guess I am going on a journey lol."

"First, take this Pokédex so you can catch a million Pokeymansssssss!!!!!!!" Oak seemed to have lost his last shred of sanity so Red took the liberty of leaving.

_UNNECESSARY LONG TIME SKIPS LATER..._

Red was sitting on a log with his Charmander and was eating toast for some reason EVEN THOUGH THE WILDERNESS DOES NOT GIVE YOU TOASTERS HAHAHAHA (kill me). Suddenly, the toast flew out of his hand and spoke.

"I am the Toast Genie, I give you three wishes." The toast said to him.

"I wish to have my toast back." Red said to it. The toast teleported to him and he ate it.

"HEY THERE TOMATO MAN." Said a stranger. Red looked at him and saw it was his rival, Wrinklebutt. "ITS TIME FOR ME TO GET REVENGE ON YOU FOR GIVING ME SUCH A TERRIBLE NAME." Wrinklebutt screamed as he pulled out a bazooka and fired a Pokeball from it. Squirtle came out of the ball and prepared to battle.

"Charmander, use AK47!" Red ordered. Charmander pulled out an AK47 and shot Squirtle until he fainted.

"CURSE YOOOOU!" Bellowed Wrinklebutt as he flew into the air like Superman and rocketed away.

"What a strange person." Red said concerned for Wrinklebutt's mental health.


	2. Die

**Chapter 2 - Fuck You**

Red was doing normal trainer stuff. Wrinklebutt appeared to ruin that stuff. Red killed him.

IS WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF WRINKLEBUTT WASNT A BROKEN ASS POWERHOUSE!

Wrinklebutt had now taken over Kanto so that sucks. But who gives a shit about Red? Time to ignore him until later on and go to the region of Johto. Gold is a kid who conveniently is getting a Pokemon as well.

"HEY GOLD, NOW THAT YOU HAVE A POCKETMAN YOU SHOULD GO MURDER THIS ASSHOLE WHO STOLE MAH OTHER POCKETMANS." Professor Stupid said.

"Why should I do that?" Gold asked, in a very edgy way may I add.

"You can name him stupid things?" Stupid suggested.

"Ok then, the theif's name is now Assface." Gold said even edgier.

"Ok, can you save my Mons?"

"No." Gold said as he edgily shot Stupid and walked away all edgy. The plot thickens as Totodile and Gold go on an edgy journey to stop Assface the Edgy.

**To be continued...**

_To anyone who was expecting a new and exciting chapter,_

_fuck you._

_With love,_

_What are you looking at me for? I'm not giving emotional support. _

_Good luck getting anything original out of me lol._


	3. Yes

**Chapter 2.5 - Did You Think That I Was Actually Trying This Time?**

Svurtile, Cvarmander, and Bvlbasaur are three omnipresent beings that are clearly Chinese bootlegs of actual Pokemon. They created everything for some reason and now we are all idiots. One of these idiots began writing this story...

HECK YEAH, I REACHED MY FOURTH WALL BREAK CODA. MOVE ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER YA DOOFS.


	4. Lel

**You may be wondering why I'm jumping from region to region, that's part of the plot that will build up later. Why do you care? Idk lol. Also the shipping is only in this chapter to piss of this Advanceshipping elitist who thinks any other ship makes you a false Pokemon fan. Enjoy the story and leave a hate comment so I can troll you. **

**Chapter 3 - Gourmet Shit**

ONCE AGAIN we shift to another slice of the cosmos. Today we will venture into Hoe(nn). Brendan, not Ruby ya libtards, is getting a Poke man. He also has a crush on Professor Bitch's daughter May. Brendan went over to Bitch's lab to get a Pocket and found a leaf lizard.

"The fuck is this?" Brendan asked.

"That is your new Poke." Professor Bitch responded. Brendan grabbed Treecko, held up his middle finger to Bitch, and walked off. #SAVAGE

"Hi Brendan!" May said.

"Hi, I just got my Pokey from Bitch." Brendan responded.

"Yay, now we can have Poke Man battles."

"Treecko use machete." Brendan ordered. The lizard pulled out a sword and skinned Torchic alive.

"Nothing a Pokemon Center can't fix!" May said unfazed. "Let's kiss now for no reason."

"Ok lol." Brendan replied.

_1 fucking eternity later_

Brendan and May finished making out and continued their journey. Little did they know that across the globe, Wrinklebutt was slowly conquering the earth.

_Skip to the next region because I'm too lazy to make another chapter for that gourmet shit_

"Aw shit, I have to wake up and do life now." Dawn said edgily. She got out of bed and went to Professor Retard's lab. Waiting was her rival Fartaclops.

"Wait, Fartaclops? Seriously Dawn? Why the heck did you name me that?!" Fartaclops asked.

"Because I can." Dawn replied. MLG glasses landed on her face.

"SHUT UP BITCHES." Retard shouted.

"Yes daddy." Dawn replied.

"Don't call me daddy when I don't even know who you are ya shithead."

"Fuck you." Dawn replied.

"I'm gonna take Chimchar as my starter thanks." Fartaclops said.

"Shit! I was gonna choose him!" Dawn said. "Fine! I choose Piplup."

"Ok now get the **everlasting **_fuck out of my lab." Professor said._

_Chapter end._


End file.
